I'm being greedy. But I want more. More time. I want more time. Not for myself. I want more time with her.
My grandmother isn't well. Hasn't been in a while. And I find myself being selfish. Greedy. I realize there aren't many 31 year olds who have a grandparent still with them. I realize how lucky this makes me. I do. And I want her to stick around. I'm not asking for years (although that would be nice). Just a little while.
But I have to be even greedier. I want her around and feeling good. I want her to be able to enjoy a few more things before it's her time. I realize that 18 holes of golf might not be in the cards. But putting her toes in the sand might be. Hanging with her great grandkids a little more. Being at home. Not in a hospital bed covered in wires surrounded by beeping. I want her to enjoy a few more cold ones. A few more laughs. Maybe some chocolate cake.
I realize this is asking a lot. Maybe even too much. I know I'm being greedy. And selfish. But I'm not ready to let go.
I'm just not.